"How To Survive a Bear Attack, You Don't" Funny Bear Attack Quote Crewneck

You’ve trained for altitude, heat, and bonking. You did not train for this. The How To Survive a Bear Attack You Don’t Sweatshirt is for the trail runner with enough backcountry experience to laugh at what’s out there — and enough miles to know that’s the right attitude. Keep moving. Don’t look like prey.

Product features:

• Medium-heavy 50/50 cotton-poly fleece (8.0 oz/yd²) for warmth without bulk
• Tubular knit (no side seams) and double-needle stitching for a clean look and long-lasting durability
• Ribbed knit collar and cuffs that retain shape; tear-away label for itch-free comfort
• DTF inner neck labels and OEKO-TEX® certified dyes; ethically grown cotton (US Cotton Trust Protocol)

Care instructions:

• Machine wash: cold (max 30°C / 90°F)
• Non-chlorine bleach as needed
• Tumble dry: low heat
• Do not dry clean